Why Do Sociopaths Do the Awful Things They Do ?

The short answer is that it feels good, to them at least. The slightly longer (and more useful) answer is that it takes extreme , risky or even criminal behavior on their part in order to feel things at all.

Sociopaths (some shrinks use the term psychopath , but I reserve psychopath for criminal sociopaths) are those people for whom the personal experience of emotionalized sensation is significantly muted or even absent.

In simpler words, sociopaths don’t (can’t) experience feelings as well as the rest of us. Their inner volume in that zone is turned down, in some cases way down.  They are often highly intelligent (in the strict IQ sense of the word ) so they clearly do see the vast sweep of the human experience taking place around them. But they cannot experience or feel the humaness of that experience for themselves.

They are literally starved , which often leads to all sorts of really bad consequences resulting from the things they do to fill that void.

The closest they ever get to strong emotional feelings are those temporarily heightened states of awareness that come from fear, aggression , drugs and sex .   In other words :  jacked up biochemical levels achieved in any way they can , natural or otherwise , or both.

Picture this archetypal scene from a corny Western to help visualize what I’m trying to explain in a cartoonish way:

The Hero vs Villain Gunfight

Two men stand twenty paces apart in the dusty main street of some western town. Closeup on the hero’s face shows a grim yet resolute visage. He’s not happy in any sense of the word, but he is determined to do what must be done, a bead of sweat graces his brow. Now the camera pans over to the bad guy. Amazing ! He ain’t unhappy at all. He’s lovin’ it ! Disdain slowly draws thin lips into a cruel smile. He looks keyed up and cool both at the same time. Death (for someone) hangs in the air but the villain is relishing every second of it ! This is his element . There is no place that he would rather be.

Now that’s obviously not a slice of real life by any stretch , but for strictly comparison purposes  which of those two guy do you think would best characterize normal, and which would represent the sociopath?

Unfortunately for villains , even when jacked up on hormones of one kind or another, the sociopath still isn’t feeling the finer and more complexly nuanced emotional experiences enjoyed by normal human beings. At best they are left with muffled , drastically reduced , experience of the baser sensations (sights, sounds, aroma, flavors and textures , sex and bloodlust) yet still lacking the ability to deeply experience the full spectrum even of those.

Therefore, the typical sociopath frequently places absurdly high importance on the strictly physical sensations. Now, everyone enjoys good tasting food and drink, but in the sociopath it’s disproportionate. They will tend towards over-the-top epicurean gourmet or wine connoisseur .  Same goes for sight, sound, and touch .  Everybody likes pleasant sensation, but for the sociopath these ordinary commodities become unduly important , even obsessively so (and yet,  ironically,   unattainable) because for them that’s all there is!

Oh the cruel justice of it all! To crave sensation and yet be so numb! Truly, they live in Hell.

Hence the drugs, alcohol, boundless greed and a myriad of sexual perversions , anything and everything that might jack up the hormones enough for them to feel the sensation, and yet never be able to genuinely partake . Their solution , all too often , is to escalate the extremity of their risky or destructive behavior until it kills them , but not soon enough to save their countless previous victims.

This emotional deafness extends to, and explains, their characteristic lack of empathy and penchant for cruelty as well. Lack of empathy is a defining trait , as are the corollary cruelty and sadism.

This telltale lack of empathy for others is not due to any deficiency in the powers of imagination.

Indeed, sociopaths are often gifted in the aspect of imagination that we call abstract reasoning. What’s missing from their mental imaging is the same crucial component that’s missing in them : the experience of emotional feelings . No, it is not that they can’t imagine; It’s that they can’t accurately imagine something that they have no capacity to experience for themselves in the first place.

For example, since they cannot themselves feel love they cannot then imagine love in others as being anything other than foolishness, avarice , lust or some other calculated ploy motivated by self interest. That’s how come they’re so talented and ruthless in recognizing and using other people’s love as a means of furthering their own ends.

To a normal person the expression “Love is blind” is wistful poetry. To a sociopath it’s simply rule #1 for exploiting suckers.

In other words, to a sociopath everyone else is a sociopath too, only dumber. They believe that every human being is running a lifelong scam motivated by self interest alone. The only difference (in their view) is that their victims are weaklings and chumps who deserve to be victimized because they are weak and stupid. It’s a tough world with winners and losers, and that’s it.

It’s not curable, by the way. It’s not possible to talk a sociopath into a nicer frame of mind . They are “Mind Blind”. They don’t possess the mental hardware to perceive the world in any other way than they do. No matter what you say to a sociopath you are still talking to a sociopath. In fact, the only thing that might get changed, is you,  and not for the better either.   The best a therapist can hope for,  in only in rare cases,  is to instill in the anti-social personality a purely rational understanding of the benefits of “enlightened self interest.”  That has worked, but not often.

If you’re lucky and you run afoul of some garden variety sociopath, you might get away with no worse than a broken heart or empty checking account.  But if those smiling eyes belong to a psychopath you could wind up in a landfill with various parts missing.

So, all you #PizzaGate investigators and faithful supporters , I’m not suggesting that you be careful out there. Be as enthusiastic as you like. But do be observant . Know full well that psychopaths and the sociopaths who cover for them are not nice people gone bad. They are just plain bad , and don’t you ever forget it.

Now, go get ’em !

The UNTOLD story of MK Ultra

Ain’t life just too strange for words? Dragged into another enormous battle in the last stage of life, and it’s turning out to be just like the one that indelibly shaped the first stages of my adulthood 50 years ago.

Don’t expect refined literature here. This little rant is pretty much stream-of-consciousness played out on a cheap keyboard, and I intend to just write it all down fast and slap it onto the Internet for a profoundly disinterested posterity. Let the consequences and opinions (and possible acts of retaliation) fall where they may.

Are any of you reading this old enough to remember the MK Ultra scandal? If so, then read this part with particular care because I’m going to tell you something new about that. Something that you  could not possibly have known before. I’m not even going to try explaining MK Ultra itself. The program was so sick and weird that you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Go read the Church Committee report if you don’t already know about it (or use Wikipedia if your time or patience is short.)

What I’m going to explain here is not about what it was or how it ended.  This is instead my personal eye-witness testimony of how it started.  The events were years before the Church Committee . This concerns “first-causes” on why that Committee came to be assembled in the first place,  what made those hearings necessary to various concerned parties, and why it still ain’t over.

In other words, you are about to learn what were the first clues brought to light , which then slowly grew into the scandal that shook the CIA to it’s core and changed forever the way that Americans (and the world at large, for that matter) perceive the secret agencies who inform government from the shadows. (the CIA is just one of many.)

I was present at the pathetic “ground zero” when and where it all began. And ZERO is a good word for it. The true start was so close to nothing that it almost didn’t even happen. So you have probably heard ( or maybe you personally think ) that PizzaGate has “thin leads”, and “skimpy/wacky/ circumstantial” evidence, not to mention “insanely bizarre conspiracy theories” and an unlikely cast of HIGHLY dubious sources. Hah!

Compared to the opening days and months of the MK Ultra investigation (or, more accurately, what would become the investigation) PizzaGate would be like Elliot Ness and Walter Cronkite presenting surveillance videos, DNA evidence and signed confessions to the Supreme Court.

It was one guy. One total nobody. A wreck of a barely alive near total travesty of a man. That was the start.

Here’s what happened : a convicted psychotic bomber named Paul had been in the Missouri Institute of Psychiatry for so long that he was like part of the furniture. He had been on tranqs and anti-psychotics for so long that his “Thorazine Shakes” looked like advanced Parkinsons disease. Paul was so completely institutionalized that he liked it on the inside, and so well behaved that his doctor/jailers considered him as a sort of unofficial “Trustee” and gave him , essentially, unmonitored run of the place. As a docile patient/inmate (who had been there much longer than any of them) Paul was invisible. He behaved like a janitor so they let him be a janitor, in which capacity he had access to every single waste basket and trash can in every file room and shrink’s office in the entire Institution.

That was Big Mistake #1 on their part, because even though Paul was psychotic and paranoid he was NOT stupid. What he did during all that time on his own was to carefully search out and collect doctors’ correspondence, research records, dictaphone recordings and financial documents from the waste baskets, trash cans and dumpsters throughout the Missouri Institute of Psychiatry. He was at it for years. The ‘best of the worst’ that he had amassed by the end came to more than 1,500 pages of highly incriminating evidence against the researchers and administrators at M.I.P.

He only partially understood the documents he had taken, but he understood them well enough to know that they were evidence that the good doctors at M.I.P. had been ( and still were) soliciting and accepting cash kickbacks from big pharmaceutical companies to carry out human drug trials on mental patients who were incapable of informed consent, that several patients had died as a result, and that those deaths had been covered up.

The documents showed a hell of lot more than that, actually , but no one even began to suspect any of that for nearly a year.

Then M.I.P. made Big Mistake #2. They kicked Paul out of the only home (virtually) that he had ever known. They told him that he was now rehabilitated , and that due to budget cuts the institute could no longer afford to house and feed “cured” people like him. So they just tossed him out on the streets to fend for himself.

Paul was suddenly homeless, hungry, and scared, but more than that he was pissed off ! Not to make light of a serious situation, but it strikes me as singularly unwise to piss off a paranoid psychotic bomb maker.

Crazy Paul became vengeful, but his response was remarkably sensible. He reckoned that the best way to wreak vengeance was to expose the criminal malpractice and human rights violations at the Missouri Institute of Psychiatry. To accomplish that he needed to somehow publish those boxes full of incriminating documents, and that’s not so easy for a convicted mad bomber ex mental patient.

Luckily for you , and me , and for the world at large, Paul went looking in exactly the right place. The craziest right place imaginable. He found two other crazy guys. Actually, he found Fred. Fred had already found me, and we knew each other fairly well from earlier news story collaborations.

Paul never said anything about how he found Fred Rock (the Rev. Fredrick M. Rock, of the infamous “Church” of Scientology) , but Fred was already using me (and vice versa) as a low caliber gonzo journalist just-starting-to-be-known for rabidly attacking the “Establishment” at every opportunity whether they deserved it or not.  (Just for the record, they usually deserved it.)

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!  Dammit!  Yes,  I know that Scientology is psycho in it’s own right. I know that a lot better than I ever wanted to know anything. But that is  (almost)  totally beside the point !

The POINT,  if you will just settle down for a second, is that the first crack in the armor steel wall protecting MK Ultra came from arguably the most disreputable sources imaginable. Let me indulge in a little repetition and  quote from earlier in this essay:

You think “PizzaGate” started with thin leads, skimpy circumstantial evidence, insanely bizarre conspiracy theories and an unlikely cast of HIGHLY questionable characters ?

In comparison to the opening days and months of what would eventually become the MKUltra investigation PizzaGate would be like Elliot Ness and Walter Cronkite presenting surveillance videos, DNA evidence and signed confessions to the Supreme Court.”

Let’s get back to what happened.

Paul gave the documents to Fred.  Fred read them very thoroughly before doing anything, and took to sleeping with a loaded pistol under his pillow. Literally.  A real gun.  Real bullets.  Under his pillow.  Not a joke .  Fred said that just knowing about the illegal human experiments, cash kick-backs from the world’s biggest pharmaceutical companies, and patient deaths was dangerous enough, but that physically possessing the original documents was enough to get him killed.  He eventually calmed down after breaking the story to the press  (and not getting “suicided” for it ),  but for a couple of weeks there he was definitely freaked out.

The story exploded and ran like gangbusters in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch , Globe Democrat and most of the Saint Louis regional Television and Radio news stations.  We felt like heroes.  Incidentally,  my role was to go out and resell the story over and over again to any media outlet that would take it, and I was not fussy.  Paul was the unnamed “confidential source”,  Fred was the public face,  and I was the invisible media hack distributing the product. We got TONS of coverage, the “M.I.P. / Human Experimentation Scandal” ramped up beautifully, and Fred was becoming a semi-celebrity.

Then suddenly, with no forewarning whatsoever , Ka-BLAMM!!!   We got counter attacked so hard and so heavy that we literally didn’t know what had hit us. Talk about shock & awe.

One day the media was lovin’ us up and taking every new story we threw at them. We doled out the juiciest documents a few at a time, followed up by ‘startling new revelations’  once per week or so.  Then , overnight , those same media outlets started in just killing us with all their might, running daily press against the evil crazed deplorable wackos and cultists, ( while praising the noble humanitarian accomplishments of those sainted doctors at the Magnificent Institute of Psychiatry.)  Both of the big Saint Louis daily newspapers ran full-front-page assaults (plus multiple inside pages, and lurid center spread) day after day for weeks.

I mean , W H A T , T H E , F U C K ?!  Who in the HELL had we pissed off?

Good question. It took a lot of years and a lot of spies and researchers (not to mention lawyers and cops) to finally figure that one out.

Turns out it was the Central Intelligence Agency . It turns out that the drug trials at M.I.P. were a part (a very small part) of MKUltra.  Small , but a real part nonetheless, and the M.I.P. scandal was the first time ever that MK Ultra had been even partially exposed.  That exposure to daylight, it seems, was not so small . The fact that big name doctors,  backdoor funding channels,  huge pharmaceutical companies and secret control agents were directly linkable back to the far more covert CIA projects at the core of the Ultra program, was viewed by CIA as an extremely dangerous vulnerability that had to be corked decisively and fast .  They knew that the totally insane and unbelievably evil MK Ultra was just utterly indefensible. They were hyper intent that tracks had to be covered and high profile media exposure had to be stopped before anything else leaked.

For that purpose and immediately following the big news outlets carrying the M.I.P scandal, CIA’s new director Richard Helms internally ordered the destruction of all MKUltra documents held by CIA itself.  It was only by accident that roughly 20,000 pages existed elsewhere, in other agencies,  and escaped the purge.

What about stopping the emerging press scandal in St. Louis?   Well, none other than the new Director of Central Intelligence himself,  William Colby, flew to Saint Louis,  personally,  and spent two days in closeted meetings with George Duncan Bauman (publisher, Globe Democrat) and his top editorial staff at the paper.  Indeed, it was the very next day after Colby returned to Washington that the Globe Democrat launched its assault against poor old Fred and his culty little church.  This initial onslaught was followed days later by the Post-Dispatch doing the same thing.

So, gentle reader, what do I think you should you make of all this?

First, I think you should make careful note of who has attacked you (meaning you as a follower or investigator of #PizzaGate).  New York Times?  Washington Post?  The Guardian?  Newsweek?  Those are pretty big guns for defending a second rate hole-in-the-wall pizza parlor, dontcha think?

Secondly, I believe you should ask yourselves, who has enough clout and control to mount such a coordinated attack on that scale?  And (if PizzaGate is so much nothing)  then why would they even bother?  Don’t they have bigger fish to fry? In other words    “W H A T         T H E          L I T E R A L          F U C K  ?!”    Who in the HELL have you pissed off?”

Thirdly, I think you should look for inspiration back to a man who was about as close to a nobody as it is possible to get and still be breathing. A more or less deranged mental patient who spent the greater part of his life deservedly incarcerated in an insane asylum . . . who gathered up a few boxes of paper evidence suggesting that his doctors were up to some very bad stuff, and then (with a little help from a few people as deplorable as he was) used those documents to drop a bomb that is STILL exploding, with shock waves and reverberations that continue to circle the globe to this day, and which might , eventually, bring the mighty to their knees and reduce the amount of evil in this wretched world.

So the NY Times, Washington Post and other “mainstream media” are insinuating (or flat-out saying) that PizzaGate can not be true because things such as real (&/or simulated) Satanist cannibalism ritual murder of children are just too too TOO totally off-the-wall unbelievably batshit crazy ?  Well, yeah, I guess.  Something like that.  Sort of like an international conspiracy between Government Intelligence Agencies, Leading Pharmaceutical and Medical Corporations and Renowned Universities to seriously attempt the creation of “Manchurian Candidate” type assassins who could be remotely controlled with hallucinogenic super drugs from remote locations through ESP ?

Yeah,  that sort of nutjob crazy.  Well, how inconvenient that those nutjob crazy objectives are all documented as true MKUltra operations.   Are they insane? Well, of course they are insane! No one claims that those people were anywhere even close to sane. What we proved is how criminally insane that monsters of perversity can become when they are given free rein , unlimited funding, and state-protected secrecy .

The mainstream media will continue to ridicule you.  They will suggest that nothing exposed by people like you can ever be taken seriously.  They will both say and imply that you are nothing.  Yeah, I suppose you are nothing.  Like Paul, Fred and me were nothing.  Non-persons.  Look at us !  A still  paranoid ex mental patient , a “Fake Reverend” Cultist , and a dropped-out-hippy media gypsy.

I want you to understand this to the marrow of your bones and the last neuron quivering at the bottom of your brain pan :

Once you start digging for truth then from that point forward you actually don’t matter. Because from that point onward (and until the truth is proved to be either true, false or a mixture thereof) then the  only thing that matters is the truth itself.

Soldiers fall. That’s war. I usually advocate running away, but sometimes war won’t let you do that.  When it’s impossible to flee then I strongly advise fighting like your life depends on it,  because it does.

Paul passed away, Fred successfully disappeared years ago, and I’m in the middle of nowhere living under a different name and thinking that this letter is probably one of my worst ideas I’ve ever had.  To recycle the horribly overused (but still true) old saying, I am too old for this kind of shit.

#PizzaGate is a story with legs for exactly the reasons you think it is : it’s based on terrible underlying truths. Your job is to find and expose those truths.

‘PizzaGate’  is also a terribly corny working title, but too late to change that now. Who knows, maybe the corniness works in its favor in a ‘reverse psychology’ sort of way. It is SO bad that it’s kinda good.

Don’t stop. Don’t apologize. Don’t hesitate or compromise or give ANY powerful psychopath even the slightest break or they will use your own misguided mercy to kill you. And I mean that in the original old fashioned sense of the word. Be aware that you are not fighting  “normal people gone bad.”  You are fighting psychopaths.  Some people know what that means. If you do not know what that means or do not have rock solid and uncompromising understanding of sociopathy / psychopathy then you must stand clear of the firing line.   Innocent people have already died. Don’t become one of them out of an abundance of good will. Just support the troops. That’s a valid contribution and no one should think the less of you for it.